There's a Reason

I've always heard there's a reason for every test or trial that we go through. 

It seems that the test or trial that I have been through over the past years has been in preparation to help another friend go through a very similar trial.  Interesting. 

Even more interesting, this friend is the same person who walked me through my own trial.  She prayed with and for me.  She followed up on me consistently to make sure I was OK.  She hugged me and loved me in my time of need.  She was my biggest cheerleader and brought me through the toughest time in my life.

Now, the tables have turned and I'm walking her through the same.  Interesting how God works.  What's great about it, if there's something great to be noticed, is that I know what blessed me and helped me when I was going through it.  It's those same things that I can now implement in my support and encouragement.

I do thank God for how He allows us to use our own struggles to help others. 

I'm praying she would be able to come through this trial rather quickly!

Something's Different!

It's been a long while since I last posted anything...and there's lots of reasons/excuses why, I just wont bore you with them.

But today, there's SOMETHING DIFFERENT!

So, I've been on this faith journey for over 20 years now, but the last year of my life has been the hardest to date (and hopefully ever).  I really felt like I was being pruned.  In fact, I had been pruned so thoroughly, there was only a stump remaining.  IT HURT!  Plain and simple.  There were a lot of things that have needed pruning and removal, hopefully to never return.  But it felt like even the areas that were being fruitful - they were removed.

Sounds like a heavenly gardener has been at work.

John 15:1-2:  “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

Hmmm..."...even more fruitful"???  I can honestly say up until a few weeks ago, I felt like there was no good thing in me or capable of coming from me...much less being MORE fruitful!

But something's different.

God has been taking this last year to breakdown all of the man-made/self-made barriers, walls, cages...those things I thought were protecting me, and now I've been stripped to nothing.  It hurts.  It brings numbness.  It's way more intimate than I'm comfortable with.  But it's necessary.

For the past few weeks, I've been feeling some growth coming from this stump.  The numbness is wearing off.  I'm starting to "feel".  Again, it hurts.  Going from no feeling to an overwhelming sense of love and grace is just that - OVERWHELMING.  I've crumpled to the floor in floods of emotion more than once in the past few weeks. 

I'm realizing how much I had closed myself to true emotion and now, I'm feeling again.

Not only that, it's more real and genuine than I can remember.  I'm also realizing how the hurtful words and situations of my past have immobilized me from being completely FREE to be ME.  I had allowed them, one by one, to build up this wall around me until, without even realizing it, I had completely closed myself in and was unable to make deeper emotional connections with others.

That's gone...or at least it's on it's way out. 

So, there's where the "more fruit" is starting to come into play.  Although I'm still a stump of a woman, I'm seeing the buds of new growth poking through.  It's not full-grown.  It's only beginning.  It's not beautiful - yet.  But the blooms are on the way.  And after the blooming...there will be fruit, more abundant and fragrant and beautiful than ever before. 

Why?  Because there's something different.  God's grace, His love, His light has shone into the deepest, darkest parts of me - removing the cobwebs, the collected junk and renovating into something even more grand, even more beautiful than I could have imagined!