When the Wind Blows...what's left?

There's been a lot in the news lately about massive deadly tornados.  They have swept fiercely through the midwest, they have also struck, yet not so fierce, locally.  When the wind blew, the houses came down.  Businesses were destroyed.  Lives were lost.  Many were affected.

I've seen some of the pictures coming out of Joplin, MO. It's utter destruction. I was in New Orleans just a week after Hurricanes Rita and Katrina - there were towns where absolutely nothing was left...just cement foundations.

It made me think of recent events in my own life and the lives of those around me.  There have been some pretty devastating winds blowing, shaking, knocking down and destroying many pillars that I thought were set permanently.  These pillars were faith, hope, trust, security, comfort, peace and made up of so many more things.

When the winds died down, the rains stopped pouring, the dust settled - It was all gone.  Everything was destroyed.  Except one thing, the foundation.

Reminds me of the verse in Matthew 7:25:   The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

My faith is built on the foundation of Jesus Christ.  My faith in Him is Rock Solid.  My assurance of Salvation because of Jesus dying on the cross for my sins - that's Rock Solid.  I am ok (for now) with this fact - my foundation is solid, but everything else, it's been shaken.  Some things have been utterly destroyed no longer to be seen.  Others, they are crushed, broken, destroyed.  And I stand here staring wondering what happened and why. 

My question is - when, not if, the winds blow and the storms come, what is your foundation set on?  Is it set on sinking sand, to be washed away at the first sign of trouble?  Or is your foundation set on the Rock - Jesus Christ? 

Everything else might be broken.  It might be crushed.  It might be washed away.  But where is your faith - is it still set in Christ? 

I challenge you to look deep inside yourself and look at the foundations (those sure foundations we mere mortals tend to build on) and test them.  Are they "storm" ready?  Are they "wind" proof?  If it's not built on Christ, I can guarantee you this one thing - the answer is no!

If I were a teapot, I would be whistling, steam would be blowing.

Wanna fight?

Wanna fight?  I do.  I just wanna punch something.

For some reason, this is an urge that just wont go away.  On the most part, I have been doing well, but every once in awhile, I just have these moments where I feel a little out of control and need to release some aggression.

That's how I feel at this moment.  Need to let out some steam or I might blow.

Gonna go take a walk, have a little talk with Jesus.  I think that might be a good idea...right about now!

Can One Truly Forgive and Harbor Anger?

Let me just preface this post with this - I am not providing the answer (I'm not so sure what it is yet), but just posing the question as food for thought...

This was a question posed on the radio station this morning, it made me think:  seriously now, can you truly have forgiven someone that you harbor anger over?  Hmmm...good question.

I guess I haven't thought this question through.  I know I've verbally said, "I forgive T.Y. for what he did", but I still have anger in my heart.  Not sure exactly if that anger is towards him, the situation or just all the junk that's floated to the surface in the process.  But have I truly forgiven? 

If I am just angry at the situation, have I forgiven him?  But, the situation wouldn't be there if he didn't play the part...so, am I angry at the situation or the situation that he caused which means that I am angry at him?

Can we, as mere mortal beings, with finite minds and limited use of our brains, truly ever forgive someone?  I think it's a good question.  It's easy to say, "I forgive you".  Remember those moments as kids when your parents "made you" say you're sorry to a sibling?  You didn't really mean it, you just said it to avoid getting in trouble (well, at least that's what I did).  In fact, I HATED saying I was sorry.  When my parents gave the ultimatum of being spanked or saying I'm sorry, I always chose the spanking.  Somehow, it was less painful to me.

So,to the question posed:

Can One Truly Forgive and Harbor Anger?

I say, maybe.  I know I'm taking the right steps.  I've said it.  I mean it.  I'm working through the anger that is the result of everything that has happened.  I'm using a 10-gallon sized skimmer to clean-up the olympic sized pool of floating junk in my life (hey, at least I'm trying).

I'm going to do a little more reading on this subject - it truly has me intrigued. 

I'd like to hear some of your thoughts - Theological or practical!

I understand...but do I?

I have been asking myself the question a lot lately, "Can one ever truly understand the pain/suffering/emotion of another?" 

Sure, we can have similar experiences.  Sure, we can laugh, we can cry.  Sure, our situational circumstances may have been similar, but can we ever truly know what is happening in another's heart?  Each one of us comes to the table with different family upbringings.  We have life experiences, close calls, emotional breakdowns, losses, gains.  Times of trial, times of great celebration.  Each of our life experiences are different.  I am amazed at even how different those in the same family can be in times of great emotion, based on personality and varying experiences, interests, etc.

Yesterday, I hugged the mother and father of a 9-yr old girl who was raped, beaten and strangled.  I was compelled to do it by some deep calling that in some small way, I knew how they were feeling.  But I could never really know their pain.  I could never know what it is to lose your daughter in that manner.  Here's what I do know - the terrible shock and denial that comes within hours of the realization that your loved one is no longer with you.  I can know the ache in the heart that feels like an eternal darkness that could never be extinguished.  I know the emptiness.  I know the darkness. 

I wanted to have words for them that would breathe life into the emptiness.  I wanted to say something that would bring hope and light.  But there was only one - "You're not alone".  It's all I had.  Those words were a constant reminder to me, hopefully, they will be a reminder for them.

I still don't think I could even begin to understand the great lost they are experiencing.  I understand loss, but do I understand their loss?  Nope.  I'm not even going to pretend.

But I'm not going to avoid them just because they are grieving and hurting.  That's the ABSOLUTE worst thing I could do.  So, compelled by Love and empathy, I pushed my way through a tight crowd of family, friends and onlookers and found my way to each of the parents - hugged them and told them - "You're not alone."

 

I know what it feels like to lose someone in a tragic manner. Thats why I had to hug them, tell them theyre not alone...Losing a 9 yr old in such a way.

Distraction is wonderful, for a time, but it only seems to delay the inevitable. Though the momentary break is welcomed.

Had a moment where I felt hopeless, stopped. Called a friend for prayer. Feeling more hopeful. Sure didnt like that feeling!

This Stew is Done!

It seems that I have been stewing...the heat is on, my blood is boiling, chunks of me are start to stick to the bottom.  Somebody needs to turn off the heat!

That's how I feel.  I'm realizing it doesn't take much, heck, I don't even need a reason, to boil over.  Just one question, one comment, one action.  Where's my coach for Anger Management???

AND I'M STILL ASKING - WHEN CAN I HIT SOMETHING!?!?

I have been a little edgy lately, I'll admit.  I've been overly tired, my body is exhausted, my emotions are drained.  I just need a little rest, some relaxation and a mental vacation.  The Broad Street run on Sunday took all my physical energy - my muscles are still recovering.  I haven't been getting enough sleep.  My work is, well, understimulation, underchallenging and underpaying.  

I feel like something needs to change.

I've been making changes, however small they are, to help in this process.  I've been attempting an earlier start to my night routine, in hopes of a few more minutes of sleep.  My schedule is practically non-existent (except for the weekends in which there is no free-time).  I've limited my interactions with mostly people I can trust who build me up.  But I'm still stewing.

I know, I know.  The best sauce takes days to cook, but man, the heat is hot and I just need a few moments to cool off.  Plus, I think this stew is done!

Just saying.

A Gentle Reminder

For the past two days, God has been sending me a gentle reminder of His love and grace.  This morning, I heard this song "Glorious Day" by Casting Crowns, and I cried.  The tears just flowed as I was reminded of what's to come.

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises / One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin / Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us / His glory revealed
Living, He loved me / Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away / Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming / Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain / One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected / Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree / And took the nails for me
Living, He loved me / Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away / Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming / Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer / One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered / Now is ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him / From rising again

Living, He loved me / Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away / Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming / Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming / One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One bringing / My Savior Jesus is mine

Living, He loved me / Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away / Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming / Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

[Mariann again]:  As much as the daily reminders are there of the hurts, the pains, the losses, the shame...I am reminded that it is all temporary.  I am just a sojourner passing through.  This life - it's just temporary.  Someday, the pain will be gone.  The loss will be lost.  The tears wiped away.  Sorrows - gone.  Shame - gone.  Guilt - gone.

Last night I was talking with some friends about how I will be around until that last day of my 120th year (as per the scriptures saying man's days are just 120 yrs).  But the more I think of that, I'm not so sure I want to be around for 120 years.  This world, even with all it's joys and triumphs, is nothing compared to the eternal world that I will spend in eternity. 

So why would I want to spend even one extra day here when I can be there?

The only reason - people.  There are so many people here to love and be loved by.  I want to live this life to it's fullest, to be filled with love and compassion for others.  To love on the unloveable, to encourage and care for those who can't care for themselves.  To be a simple hope for those who have none.  To point them to the One who sees all, knows all, loves all - even when we don't understand (even when I don't understand).

Love is the only reason.

But the reminder is still there:

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming / One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my Beloved One bringing / My Savior Jesus is mine

Oh boy - I can't wait!

It is well

This morning as I was driving to work, I switched my radio station over and they were playing my favorite hymn.  ( http://youtu.be/cv5V3bY6qlII ) I started singing along and found myself unable to continue.  My voice was quaking and tears started forming.  All I could think about was what a powerful hymn. 

The man who wrote this hymn did so while sailing to Europe around the spot where his 4 daughters were lost at sea.  Even though he was suffering a tremendous amount of grief, his focus wasn't completely on that.  He was writing about the overwhelming grief and pain he was feeling, but He focused on his salvation and Jesus' redemptive work on the cross and that final day when He (God) will triumphantly return and those who are in Him will be taken to be with Him forever. 

But the best part, He will wipe away our tears.  All our sorrows will be gone.  The pains will be gone.  The sickness will be gone.  The doubts/fears - gone.  Everything that has hurt us, everything that has grieved us - GONE!  And, we too shall sing victoriously, "IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!"

"It Is Well With my Soul"
H. G. Spafford

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, / When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, / It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul, / It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, / Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, / And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! / My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, / Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: / If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life / Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, / The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord! / Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, / The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, / Even so, it is well with my soul.