"All or Nothin'" - It's not Working for me!

I tend to be an "All or Nothing" type of gal.  I'm either all in 100% or I don't waste my time.  I think the entire package - all at once.  I want the end result - at the beginning.  And...well.  Thats not working for me.

For these past few weeks (ok - months and years!), I have made a conscious, concerted effort to seek the Lord in the direction He's had in my life.  I know He's got something BIG for me.  I know my calling involves disciple-making, relationships, growth-challenge, etc...but I have only seen it for 1 thing - FULL-TIME MINISTRY with ITINERARY EVANGELIST tagged on for good measure.  But because it seems I haven't found that role or place in my life, I feel like a failure, like I've missed the mark. 

I find myself not jumping into opportunities around me because even though they might be a piece of that pie - they are not the whole pie. 

I WANT THE WHOLE PIE!

I am hesitant to commit or get involved because, well, the PIE might be just around the corner and if I commit, I will be "stuck" and unable to get the PIE because I have to let my yeas be yea and my nays be nay - that's what the Bible says!  And I am a classic first-born and all the rules must be followed, to perfection...

Lately, all the little life lessons God has been speaking to me (see all my recent blogs) have been adding up.  God knows that as much as I want the whole pie, I can only eat it one bite at a time.  So, that's what He has been providing for me - one bite at a time.  I have been hearing from Him one ingredient at a time.  As much as I'd like the entire recipe - NOW - He knows I don't need it now.  He just gives me what I need, when I need it. 

Shucks.  Now I'm hungry.  Does anyone have any pie?