I keep asking myself this question, "Is it normal?"
It is in reference to a whole gammut of issues and struggles and feelings that I am going through. I just want to know if it's normal. Can I just be honest for a moment? I have a few questions...
Is it normal for me not to want to read my Bible? I pray. I've been talking to God, but have had no desire in recent days to read the Bible. It's like I purposely have avoided it. Is that normal?
Is it normal for me to pray and worship God, but when certain songs or issues regarding God being our protector, our strong tower, our safe refuge arise...I go silent. Cause, I'm not so sure right now.
Is it normal for someone who has little to no fear (or conquered fears) when in a situation where I am alone in my home and I have no plans or anyone to talk with...I'm full of fears?
Is it normal for me to start "doubting" relationships and personal abilities I was so comfortable and confident in?
Is it normal for someone who never shares what she's feeling to put it out there on a blog for anyone to read?
Probably not. But circumstances that have surrounded my life in the past 6 weeks haven't been all that normal now have they?
For those who might be concerned - I am working on each of these questions/issues in my life. I ask the questions - put them out there - because I believe that verbalizing what I'm thinking or feeling is much healthier than stewing on them in the recesses of my mind. And maybe, just maybe, there are others who are asking themselves the same questions - or their own questions - or those who have gone through similar circumstances that may be able to offer helpful advice from their own experience.
I would love to hear some of your strategies/thoughts on how you've overcome or are working on overcoming these questions. I welcome your thoughts and experiences.
The place you find yourself in with doubts and questions like this is one of the most beautiful spots to be in. It is in these times that God wants you to see life a bit differently, to be shaped and molded a bit, and to grow a heart for the things that He is wooing you toward. Keep questioning, keep doubting, embrace difficult conversations, because it is here in this place that God speaks.
ReplyDeleteOh, Mar. I hear you. I know HE hears you too.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any answers to the hard questions posed above. Except to say that I, too, have had to work through these and other questions in light of the hard stuff that I've faced in my own life. Most recently, the loss of a really close friend to a suicide. Knocked me off my game, in a manner of speaking.
Lots of my own questions. Lots of ongoing processing as I work through the pain with my friend and her kids in the aftermath. Rage that I did not know I had and then guilt for the rage. Hopelessness that I knew in my head wasn't TRUTH but would hold me down for a while anyway. Frustration that I couldn't do more. That the nebulous generic WE couldn't do more. All of that.
In these last couple years, between that loss and some other disappointments and struggles, I've had similar times. Times when it physically hurts to worship or to read the Word. Times when I just couldn't do it cuz I couldn't take the pain that day. Times when I've had to shelve the pain till a better moment to process it. Not always the best way to handle it, but when you hurt, you do what you have to do to cope. When you have real life to keep living, you process what you can, when you can. At least, in my real life that's how it plays out.
But Jason is right, keep asking. Keep asking cuz He does answer. He does listen. And I'm finding He is there with me in ways that I didn't understand before I walked through these dark times. You are not alone.
Love you.
Hey friend... no theological answers here...because I know you know them...and I know you know all the christian answers too...in answer to your question though...YES!!! It is Normal!!! You've been through a traumatic experience, Mariann...it takes time, it takes talking to people you can trust & you know love you right where your at, it takes questioning...and questioning God is ok. We all go through these points in our life at one point or another...I know...from experience...past...and sadly present too...life is hard...it sometimes doesn't make sense to us...I believe thats what makes heaven so wonderful...knowing that our time here isn't forever and that someday we will be out of this world and with Him forever. BUT... that doesn't mean that it's easy now...honey, your doing all the right things...keep talking to those you feel you can trust with whats really going on inside of you, keep asking God all of the questions you have inside of you, cry, scream,write!!! But know this, my friend...no matter what you are going through at this very moment...you have people surrounding you with our love & prayers & thoughts and in time...you will hear His voice too & feel His arms wrapped tightly around you... I love you and I'm here... Crystal
ReplyDeleteIs it normal you ask...and as you are hearing and I am going to say, YES, it is normal. It is all a very normal process in healing. Trauma/issues affect each and everyone of us differently. The fact that you are questioning is so good. The fact that you feel bold enough to put your heart out there, is so good. I don't think it has reached you yet at how good it is. I think sometimes you feel like Satan is being triumphant in your life, but Mar ... if you already haven't, go back and re-read all your posts. God is with you, He is in everyone of your tears, thoughts, processes, questions, feats, fears, etc. it is HIM there, NOT Satan. It is God you are hearing. If you can't believe that for yourself, I will believe it and pray it in faith for you!! You WILL triumph over ALL this. It takes time, do not be discouraged with setbacks but see them as yet another stepping stone on the way to healing!! You are so very special and precious to God, me and others!!! God IS using you for His glory even through your own pain and suffering!! You are NOT alone!! You are NEVER alone and you are perfectly "normal." I love you! Tim, Elayna and I (and of course Nik and Mackenzie) are here for you, whenever and however!!
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